Nothing changes if nothing changes .
I know that’s true.
The comfort that was brought by eating convenience and nutritionally deficient food is gone now and I find myself struggling. A lot.
Not every once in awhile, not once a day. Usually multiple times an hour. Sometimes more than that.
When I say ‘comfort’ I mean comfort in the moment, comfort when the drama or stress hits. It’s not comforting five minutes after I make a poor food choice, or an hour after when I feel terrible. It’s not comfort when my clothes don’t fit and my body aches with every step I take. It’s not comfort when my kids say Mama I wish you were skinny.
But still, that missing crutch feels like a gaping hole and it’s sorely missed when it’s really needed.
Detox is a hard thing to go through. And the physical pain is exactly what triggers my need to reach for the sugar or the caffeine or the carbs. And yet, at times it hits me like a ton of bricks: how fortunate I am to have this chance with Dr. Gutman to feel the pangs of detox knowing I will come through better and healthier on the other side.
So again I say nothing changes if nothing changes. The aches and medical problems won’t change if my coping mechanisms don’t change. I’m working really hard at it. I know in the end I’m doing this for my kids and for myself. But when I’m in the middle of crisis I still want to reach for that sugar or the carbs. It’s not until the crisis or the discomfort or the physical pain has passed that I’m able to think rationally about smart food choices. Thats’s a tough one. I have a chronic widespread pain and in the past I have medicated my flare ups with sugar and cheesy, carb-filled messes.
I’ve given up on the concept of perfection, which has been a problem for me. My days aren’t perfect. Not every meal is perfect. But they’re better than they’ve been in the past, and for me that’s a step in the right direction. Something is changing which means other things will change. Amen for that! I refuse to give up. I can’t afford to give up mentally, physically or spiritually. And even more than that I don’t want to give up. I want a bright future ahead of me for the kids and me, and for myself as an individual. I want to one day find a special person in this world that I can call my companion. None of these things can be done unless I take care of myself first. The struggle is real. But so are my dreams.
Edited to add: my littles have been telling everyone : “Our Mommy is eating healthy things!” I heard them tell their teacher and the cashier at the store and our neighbor. I love that I can set a good example for them! And it makes me so happy that they see what I am doing and are proud of me.Recommended2 recommendationsPublished in